So I somehow talked myself into watching Midsommar, the aesthetic horror film everyone was going on about awhile ago. I think the combination of darling Florence Pugh and the beautiful floral production art convinced me that maybe, just maybe, I would like this movie. And I still can't figure out if I did or not. 

(spoilers follow)

The plot of Midsommar is a slightly twisted version of The Wicker Man. I actually just recently saw the 1976 version of the film (I passed on the Nicolas Cage version) and so it was very fresh in my mind when viewing this film. It has the same sort of "stranger happens into a charming but sinister-seeming cult" storyline, though how they set up Midsommar is different.

Dani (Florence Pugh) starts the film in a crappy long term relationship with Christian, an emotionally distant guy who is on the verge of breaking things off. Then Dani's sister kills herself and their parents and he figures that he can't break up with her now so instead reluctantly invites her along on his guys trip to Sweden to attend a Midsommar festival for their anthropology thesis projects (???). 

Things at the festival are strange from the start and creepy events start unfolding including a cliff dive double suicide so brutal that I felt physically sick for the rest of the movie. The friend group gets picked off one by one as the cult members drag each of them off in different directions. Dani's boyfriend gets selected to have sex with one of the members and then is bludgeoned immediately afterward leaving him paralyzed, and Dani wins a dance competition and becomes the May Queen, leaving it in her hands to decide who the final sacrifices will be. Having witnessed his cheating, she ultimately chooses to sacrifice Christian in a final act of revenge and smiles as he and all the other victims burn to death. 

The aesthetics of this film were on point. The bright, sun-drenched atmosphere makes the horrible acts being committed that much more unsettling. It drags on in a way that feels akin to what the group is experiencing as they live through the "longest day" with the most sunlight. Florence Pugh was very convincing in her role and I think as a horror, it worked. It gave me the creeps and left enough disturbing imagery in my head to fuel dozens of nightmares. While the horror for some people might have been the relationship plotline, the grisly deaths turned my stomach upside down.

Honestly, and this is just my personal thing, it was too grossly gruesome for me. I just can't handle that. Apart from my own hangups there, I couldn't really understand the protagonist's motivations. She just suffered a highly traumatic life event and goes to Sweden on this trip to try to escape her feelings (got it) and then somehow is convinced by the cult members that she "finally has a family and isn't alone anymore" (what about her friends back home? Other relatives? They make it seem like she is now totally alone in the world) and ultimately becomes so hateful of her boyfriend, (who definitely sucks but they should have just broken up) that she watches him be murdered with glee. I just don't really follow - it goes from like 0 - 60 with her in the course of like a week. And the whole movie is just a weird allegory for how much relationships can suck and how you want to kill your ex or something, which is kind of shallow in my opinion. 

Okay anyway, I'm going to go throw up now thinking about all those death scenes again...

I'm not sure when we'll be able to afford a house but it's a fun goal to have and certainly a wonderful little dream to hold on to while we struggle through the pandemic era. 

What's keeping you going lately?

Ada turned 1 in November and it has been the craziest year of our lives. Having a dog changes everything, but I think having a bull terrier especially flipped our world upside down. We've had some high highs and some low lows but we couldn't imagine life now without her. Here are a few things we learned from the first year:

Initially, we compared our experiences to those of friends who also had puppies and asked advice from other dog owners that ultimately just made us feel crazy. The things that worked for other dog owners didn't work for us, and the issues we were having seemed confusing to our friends (what do you mean your dog doesn't obsessively chase her tail and crash into the walls over and over again???) . What we were going through with Ada was very different from the average dog experience and once we started comparing ourselves to other bull terrier owners (via friends/blogs/strangers/google) we figured out that most of her crazy behavior was normal for her breed.

I remember crying early on in our dog journey because Ada never relaxed, and all I wanted was a dog that was going to cuddle on the couch with me sometimes. She literally would never lay down unless we made her go to bed in her kennel. Fast forward one year and she will now fall asleep on the couch on her own - something I thought would never happen! While we're still waiting to see if some things go away (she's destructive when she's bored which is always), we know she's changing all the time and won't be a crazy puppy forever.

Ada is really smart, really dumb and really stubborn all at once. It's been a challenge to figure out what things she's actually not getting and what things she's willfully refusing to do. There were times when she wasn't learning something as fast as we thought she should be and we had to slow down and really break things down for her. There were also times when she would decide she didn't care to do something she had been doing well before. Learning the difference and being patient with her and with ourselves has really helped.

We love our grumpy, stubborn, goofy, funny, needy, crazy girl and can't wait to see what year 2 brings. 

I have to confess, for the first time in awhile I am feeling a little apathetic about the Oscars this year. Usually the Oscars is MY THING every year, but I think this year the films on offer + some things going on in my personal life have left me uninspired. So below are my top picks this year, as well as some that I would skip. And there are still several movies I haven't watched yet (please don't make me watch 1917- I don't care if the cinematography is good, no more way movies pleeease) so if there's a fantastic movie I missed out on, please tell me! 

Parasite: This way by far my favorite movie of the Oscar noms. Original, interesting and keeps you on the edge of your seat. I'm so ready to see movies with new storylines that aren't predictable, so this one smashed it. 

Knives Out: This movie completely surprised me. I went in expecting a fun, Murder on the Orient Express type who-dun-it, and got so much more! The plot kept me engaged, Daniel Craig's accent was hilarious and the lead actress Ana de Armas was incredible. 

Little Women: Little Women was wonderful and beautiful and I cried through almost the whole film and I don't care what anyone else has to say on the matter. Flawless costume design and loved the way Greta Gerwig chose a non-chronological flow for the story. 

Joker: Ok, honestly this wasn't my favorite movie. Superhero movies just aren't my thing and overall this film was pretty depressing. BUT, there's no denying Joaquin Phoenix's performance carried the entire film and it's worth seeing for his acting prowess. And the film score and cinematography is lovely. 

Marriage Story: Am I the only one who hated this movie?? What a self-absorbed film. It so obviously mirrored the experience of the director which instead of creating a story that felt universal, it made it this niche film about the lives of some detestable upper-class snobs. Maybe this is too harsh, but I just didn't get the appeal. Please someone reach out and explain to me why they loved it, I want to know.

The Irishman: Just go watch Casino instead. 

Still on my list to see: Jojo Rabbit, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Bombshell, Judy, The Two Popes

No thanks: 1917, Ad Astra, Ford v. Ferrari

Not going to lie, this year has been really rough. Between losing a job, losing friends, trying to raise the most stubborn puppy in the world and just a whole lotta change, I feel a little beat up honestly! I'm not sorry to see 2019 go, but I am hoping 2020 will provide the fresh start I'm looking for. The end of this year isn't just about "decade glowups" and "best nines" - it can be a great time to instead look forward at all the possibilities that lie ahead. So with that in mind, I have a couple New Year's resolutions - goals, really - that I'm going to focus on in 2020. I try not to set myself anything too big and daunting, just some fun projects to work on.

This year I have two "use it up goals":

There's a concept in the beauty world of "hitting pan" - aka getting to the bottom of an eyeshadow pan. Project Pan is a sort of challenge to use up your makeup products. There are a lot of ways you can go about this challenge (only using a specific makeup palette until you hit pan on all shadows, ordering what you use by when it expires, etc) but I am just going to take what I want from the project and do that! So for me, I'm going to try to use up any makeup, beauty, skincare, haircare products before I purchase a new one. Only once I've used it up can I buy a new one. So I can only buy new shampoo once I use all the shampoo I currently have. I have so many duplicate products (check out all my concealers below) and I want to actually use the things I have.